Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year's Resolutions? I Got Your 5 Resolutions Right Here!

With the year 2015 fast approaching I'm skipping my resolutions this time around and instead have a few recommendations some others might be interested in... 

1. To the lady in the checkout line at Walmart..... Please refrain from carrying out an intense conversation on your cell phone whilst doing so. Though I am fascinated that your aunt's son-in-law is considering a vasectomy, let me checkout my turkey jerky first!

2.  To the ad agencies that make those "free credit report" television commercials..... We know that you do not buy expensive television airtime out of the goodness of your heart. But if you insist, just email me the report. I'm sure the NSA  has my address.


3. To members of the US Congress..... So you spend millions of dollars of your own money to make a mere $174,000 a year. With accounting like that no wonder we have a budget deficit! Oh and by the way, if the bill you are voting on tomorrow, can't be read in bed tonight, vote no.

4. To the retailers that require you to sign up for a "loyalty" card..... How did this get so out of control? Your card is not special, everyone is doing it, and I am not loyal, I'll walk out over a nickel. To make matters worse, my wife's car key ring looks like a Rolodex charm bracelet!

5. To the person at the movie theater that gives a play by play
commentary..... Seriously? And how did you end up behind me when the whole dang auditorium only had 5 people in it? Every time you get the urge to say something, for the love of
Jennifer Lawrence, fill that pie hole    with popcorn!

So there you go. 5 resolutions recommendations that requires no effort from me. Maybe you agree with a few of them and we can enjoy them together. 

Creepy Clown Says, "Happy New Year!"